Hey Boo!

One of the things that always amazes me is that (although on the outside I still sometimes look a mess) I still manage to grow each year. My biggest area of growth has been in mindfulness. I’m not an expert, BUT I have become more aware of my triggers, how things make me feel, and how my body and mood responds to outside forces. *okay GROWTH!* One of the places that I have decided to put these new revelations to use is in my relationships (both platonic and romantic). Have y’all seen the “What I require I can also provide” meme? Well that’s basically what helped me form this list. In other words. . . “Match my growth.“

1. Emotional Integrity/IQ

This is the most important thing to me as I reestablish the needs/requirements of all my relationships. Why? Because it’s 2020 & nobody has time for miscommunications, arguments, and passive aggressiveness that comes with not being honest with your own feelings and accepting the feelings of others. From my own personal growth I struggle less with knowing my feelings are valid, I can/must be honest with what those feelings are, and respecting others’ ability to do the same without judgment. So what do I expect from people? I expect people to be willing to do the work themselves, so more fruitful, open, & overall healthier relationships can form.

2. Boundaries

First, I feel like people throw this word out there sometimes in order to remained closed off. In my (non-professional) opinion, those are not healthy boundaries and may require work to understand. However, for ME these boundaries are important because all relationships have their limitations. For example, a HUGE boundary for me is my home. My home represents my safe place and is somewhat intimate. Therefore, my coworkers, classmates, associates, etc. are typically not invited into my home because I don’t view those relationships as “intimate”. On the other hand, my friends can come sleep in my bed and go through my fridge. Establishing boundaries up front is necessary for my own comfort so I won’t be bitter or just remove myself altogether. So. . . going forward, I need everyone to understand that my boundaries are my own and not a reflection of them. I am also focused on allowing other people to decided if they can live with those boundaries or if they need to step away.

3. Allowance for growth

We all know today’s culture likes to dig up old tweets/posts and call you out, cancel you, and get you fired from your job (sometimes justifiably). Again, not going to hold you. I’ve been a trash romantic partner, sister, and friend before. A lot of the time I let my past experiences shape the way I make my decisions that may not be the best. THIS IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR ACCOUNTABILITY. Because please call me out *inserts Tyra Banks meme* but watch your tone. However, understand that I am committed to growth & that evolution is inevitable. So don’t place a lid on my growth by shaming me for the mistakes we all know are going to happen, and I promise to do the same.

4. Support in the ways I feel supported

So boom! This is also a very 2019/2020 statement. The key words here is “in the way I feel supported”. I no longer accept “that’s just the way I am” as an excuse for shitty friends, boyfriends, etc. I feel like this goes along with love languages in a sense that what someone thinks is helpful does not always translate as helpful to me. Support is huge for me because my anxiety tends to take-off when I feel alone, especially if I’m trying something new. So, the best way to support me is a mixture of quality time and affirmations. Listen to my thoughts and tell me, “I support you” instead of assuming I know “you got me”. The key to keeping relationships healthy for me is being willing to find out (& on the other side being willing to be upfront with) ways that make me feel supported and good things will come.

5. Last but not least…. LOVE

Love is my “word of the year” for 2020! That’s simply because I think great things happen when we lead with love. Love encompasses respect, care, trust, etc. and I fully believe in platonic love as well as romantic and familial love. Even if its only coming from a love for me as a human being, we’re already off to a good start.

Dassit!

That’s my list for right now. & it’s also important to know that we all have the right to add to or amend the list at any time and without notice. 

To Happier & Healthier Lives…