So at this point in my life I feel like I try to make it very clear to myself and to others that I HAAATE when I see something that I feel promotes the narrative that a woman’s worth is attached to her proximity to a man. Therefore, I try to avoid the typical “I need a man” “what to do to keep a man” topics that I see surrounding women. BUT, it would be irresponsible to try to remove those topics altogether because they are apart of many women’s experience (including mine) and frankly isn’t that serious. OKAY SO ENOUGH OF THE FAKE DEEPNESS (is that even a word?). As always, I came across Shan Boodram and her book Game of Desire after listening to the Love Hour Podcast. What attracted me to this book was not really the idea that it talks finding a dating partner or spouse, but that it focuses on self awareness. Not only do I feel like it gives helpful tips for women who are interested in dating (obviously) but the information translates into other relationships as well.
SO LET’S JUMP RIGHT IN!
If you didn’t know, Shan Boodram is a sex educator, dating coach, and relationship expert. Throughout Game of Desire, Shan talks us through a program that she created and led with 5 very different women who struggled in the area of dating. I did not know this before I bought the book. I thought it was simply going t be a step-by-step guide into becoming Lori Harvery or whoever else is in the media that seems to have everyone they could every desire following after them. *Not that I want that or anything… but still the idea is nice* Instead, the first maybe 2/3 of the book required the ladies and the readers to figure out who they were and how other’s perceived them. Only after the women were able to self-reflect, talk to their exes about their past relationships, and figure out what they have to offer were they able to figure out how to get what they want from a partner. My favorite activity the ladies completed was a “job lisitng” for a potential partner or playmate. This listed job titles, responsibilities, benefits, etc. I never thought about writing out my ideal relationship this way, but after attempting the exercise myself it is actually fun and thought provoking.
The last 1/3 of the book did include dating experiments and practicing. This was probably the most interesting part because it was more of what I expected. I’m not going to give away everything, but one of the most interesting “experiments” was Vabbing. This is when the ladies first talked and mingled with people at the bar and then halfway through the night went to the bathroom and dabbed themselves with their vaginal fluids and gauged the difference in their interactions. It never crossed my mind that my dating life was boring because men couldn’t smell enough of my goods. Would I try this out? Probably because at the very least think that going out knowing there’s a bit of my natural perfume dabbed on my wrists and neck will make the evening more enjoyable. All of the experiments weren’t this out-of-the-box but each one of them opened my mind to the subtleties that could give any interaction a little spark, like juggling avocados at the dinner table (read the book).
Overall, this quick read was enjoyable and made me even more anxious to go outside again when it’s safe. The way she addressed different personality types and dove into the lives of each of these ladies made the book that much more relatable. As I said, I thought the book was going to be a step-by-step book into making myself more desirable to other people. However, what I got was a guide to figuring out myself in ways that will INDIRECTLY impact my relationships (hopefully for the better). I definitely recommend this to single ladies, but I have also talked with married women who found it equally as helpful. If you do check it out, or if you already have an I’m just late, let me know what you think in the comments or on Instagram at @brownandbossy!
