Thanks to online creator & writer Yaminah Mayo (@spicy.mayo), I came across the podcast, How to Talk to People hosted by Julie Beck & produced by Rebecca Rashid. This particular share caught my attention because of the episode’s title, “What do we owe our friends?” Kudos to the team for putting that together because I have very strong feelings on this topic. I believe that most people acknowledge that friendships are important, but recently nurturing those friendships has been put on the back burner.
The debate on whether or not adult friendships should require daily, weekly, or even monthly communication resurfaces on the internet every few months. Although I believe the obvious answer is “it depends”, I think it begs a larger question. How do we display the value that our friends have in our lives?
“…friendship is defined by flexibility in a way that no other relationship is. There is no specific role a friend has to play in your life.” – Julie Beck
As we get older & our lives become more demanding it is almost expected that our platonic relationships be okay with being moved down the priority list. It’s easy for those demands to turn into missed phone calls, “left on read” text messages, and forgotten birthdays. Which often turn into silent resentment, shallow conversations, and distanced relationships. Friendships, like romantic partnerships, take a level of commitment and intentionality to maintain. Honoring that commitment is how we show how much we care about our friends & how we foster deeper connections.
“Friends are friends because they choose to be.” – Julie Beck
If you haven’t gathered this already I do not subscribe to the constantly recirculating idea of having bare minimum friendships. But, I think there is hope for friendships in 2023. In adulthood it is refreshing to see a group of people who collectively decide (over and over) that their relationship is meaningful enough to make the commitment. The flexibility in friendship should come in the form of loving your people as they naturally evolve. After all, it is a beautiful privilege to be able to support your friends through graduations, engagements, promotions, and accomplishing their dreams.
We owe our friends commitment. We owe our friends understanding. We owe our friends the level of thought and consideration that important people in our lives deserve.