If you haven’t gotten a chance to check out my last blog post, first of all you should lol, but I talked about how the last 3 years have helped change by the lens in which I view life. I started to reflect and noticed that it was time to shift my thinking from surviving to actually thriving (shout out to my therapist)! I think it was about mmm. . . halfway through my 3rd year of my doctoral program that I really started seeing and giving myself credit for my growth as a person. Now that I am at the end of my school career and no longer what I consider a “traditional” student, I’ve decided to make a list of the top 4 things I learned in graduate school. Sidenote: My blogging “style” is more like a journal than a guide, how-to, or article. I purposely, but unintentionally (contradictory I know) do this because I don’t think I’m completely unique or special enough to make an attempt at answering life questions. But, what I’m hoping is that my experiences are at least entertaining enough to keep you engaged and at best thought-provoking enough to help another woman grow along the way. So here’s what 3 years of grad school and too many thousands of dollars has taught me thus far.
- Be Yourself
I was kinda embarrassed thiss was somethig I really started learning at 25 years old. But. . . who gon’ check me? No but forreal, I think this is something obvious, but at the same time has been hard to actually live by. Up until this point in my school career, I was in a competitive and predominantly white spaces that put pressure on me to be likable, hirable, and teachable. All of these things are necessary to a certain extent, however I felt that the expectations of what those things looked like were not inline with who I was as a person. So at the grad level, still in a predominantly white space, I let go of other’s expectations of what a “good graduate student” looked like and started to focus on being an authentic Joi. (shoutout to Michelle Obama & Becoming for helping me figure that out). Not only was that freeing, but it has kept me until this point. (& look only 10 months until the finish line!)
2. Speak Up For What is Important to You
This lesson was definitely one in, “You are at the Table for a Reason.” I don’t think I have struggled with voicing my opinion in general, but in certain spaces I have at times not wanted to be “othered” by always having something to say. This came to mind during graduate school when I found myself always bringing up how our lectures impacted the black community and pointing out disparities in hearing healthcare. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, “They’re going to think you’re making everything about race.” something I have heard variations of in my life. That thought made me question whether I was doing too much and if I actually needed to jump on EVERY opportunity to comment on the issue. But then I realized, if not me then who else? I assume it was not just my charm that got me into the program, but also my perspectives and experiences that add to the healthcare field. After my attitude changed I kept on saying the things that needed to be said. And in times like these I’m glad to have brought it up.
3. Your Feelings Are Real
Man, living on my own in a city away from family kinda hit me hard. I think the transition really invited anxiety and depression to creep right back i my life. (Check out my posts about black girl therapy if you haven’t). Not only that, but it was the first time in my life that I actually acknowledged those feelings for what they were/are. It is a different type of awakening when you finally admit to yourself and have the language to identify the different emotions and feelings, good or bad, that you experience. Having to manage that on top of graduate school really made me commit to focusing on self care. Being able to take care of myself and use what I’ve learned in my relationships has been invaluable and I am thankful that I did.
4. Be Present!
Ahhh. . . the art of being mindful. The anxious mind is always focusing on the what-ifs and the unknown. After I began the commitment to acknowledge my feelings, I began reading books about mindfulness and overall fulfillment. What I realized is that I had been so focused on making sure I got to where I wanted in a year, 3 years, 6 years from now that I was neglecting the present. I was letting life live me instead of living the life I wanted. It took some time to release control of some things, but again I felt more free. It is definitely still a struggle, especially since I’m so close to being done with school and those student loans are peaking around the corner. BUT. . . I’ll get there when I get there and right now I am less worried about life after graduation and more looking forward to everything in between.
After all that I’m kinda wondering if there was a cheaper way to figure all of that out, lmao. But forreal. It really amazes me that I feel like a brand new person some days and how so much of my energy has been redistributed to positive aspects of life. I’m excited to figure out what the next phase will teach me, especially in the midst of everything that is 2020.
I know this was a bit on the long side, but until next time, here’s to happier and healthier lives 😊.
